Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A.. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies ..'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Collingwood jokes
Moderators: Saintsational Administrators, Saintsational Moderators
-
Moccha
- Saintsational Legend
- Posts: 4528
- Joined: Tue 09 Mar 2004 3:33pm
- Location: Two Pronged Attack
- Contact:
Collingwood jokes
Last edited by Moccha on Tue 31 Aug 2010 11:14pm, edited 1 time in total.
Another opportunity awaits!
-
bigcarl
- Saintsational Legend
- Posts: 18655
- Joined: Thu 11 Mar 2004 1:36am
- Has thanked: 1994 times
- Been thanked: 873 times
-
stkildathunda
- SS Hall of Fame
- Posts: 2176
- Joined: Mon 10 Aug 2009 11:03am
- Location: Inside The Circle Of Zen
- Contact:
Q: You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the Collingwood fan – Twice
A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
A: Shoot the Collingwood fan – Twice
A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
-
True Blue Sainter
- Club Player
- Posts: 1906
- Joined: Fri 19 Mar 2004 5:47pm
- Has thanked: 4 times
- Been thanked: 17 times
Haha I LOL'd at both!stkildathunda wrote:Q: You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the Collingwood fan – Twice
A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
I remember a variation of the first one - Trev Marmalade said one night on the Footy Show.
You are in a room with Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein and an Adelaide supporter. You have a loaded gun with 2 bullets. So you shoot the guy with the mullet. Twice
The Saints are coming!
-
OneEyedSainter77
- SS Life Member
- Posts: 3792
- Joined: Tue 02 Aug 2005 10:24pm
-
The Sainter
- Club Player
- Posts: 870
- Joined: Mon 12 Jul 2004 8:42pm
-
happy feet
- Club Player
- Posts: 1835
- Joined: Wed 27 Feb 2008 7:27pm
- Has thanked: 227 times
- Been thanked: 350 times
-
stkildathunda
- SS Hall of Fame
- Posts: 2176
- Joined: Mon 10 Aug 2009 11:03am
- Location: Inside The Circle Of Zen
- Contact:
A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
-
Hurricane
- Saintsational Legend
- Posts: 4038
- Joined: Wed 10 Mar 2004 9:24pm
- Location: The isle of Besaid, Spira
A mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes.
He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "Good old Collingwood forever......." come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor; "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."
Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs; "There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough:- "Good old Collingwood forever...." began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of ar$eholes sing that song."
BANG BANG
He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "Good old Collingwood forever......." come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor; "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."
Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs; "There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough:- "Good old Collingwood forever...." began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of ar$eholes sing that song."
BANG BANG
Mitsuharu Misawa 1962 - 2009.
I am vengeance....I am the night...I....AM.....BATMAN
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and im all out of bubblegum
I am vengeance....I am the night...I....AM.....BATMAN
I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and im all out of bubblegum
-
stkildathunda
- SS Hall of Fame
- Posts: 2176
- Joined: Mon 10 Aug 2009 11:03am
- Location: Inside The Circle Of Zen
- Contact:
A family of Collingwood supporters heads out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting.
While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Geelong footy jumper and says
to his 10 year old sister, "Hey mole, I've decided to become aGeelong
supporter and I want this for Christmas".
His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him around the head with
her carton of Winfield's and says, "naughty word, go talk to mum".
Off goes the little lad with the Geelong jumper stuffed up his miller shirt and finds his mum.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Geelong supporter and I want thisjumper for Christmas".
The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a
fullstubbie of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and says "Let's go talk
to your father!"
Off they go to the prison camp during visiting hours, with footy jumper in hand and find Moose, his toothless tattooed father.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Knackers?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Geelong supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas".
Moose goes berserk and gives his son an almighty backhander and says,
"No bastard of mine is ever going to be seen wearing that naughty word!", and
then kicks his arse from one end of the rec-room to the other, just for
good measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the old Falcon andheading
towards home. The mother turns to her son and says,"Knackers, have you
learned something today?"
The son says "Bloody oath I have!"
"Good Knackers, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been a Geelong supporter for a day, and already I hate you Collingwood pricks!â€
While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Geelong footy jumper and says
to his 10 year old sister, "Hey mole, I've decided to become aGeelong
supporter and I want this for Christmas".
His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him around the head with
her carton of Winfield's and says, "naughty word, go talk to mum".
Off goes the little lad with the Geelong jumper stuffed up his miller shirt and finds his mum.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Geelong supporter and I want thisjumper for Christmas".
The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a
fullstubbie of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and says "Let's go talk
to your father!"
Off they go to the prison camp during visiting hours, with footy jumper in hand and find Moose, his toothless tattooed father.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Knackers?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Geelong supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas".
Moose goes berserk and gives his son an almighty backhander and says,
"No bastard of mine is ever going to be seen wearing that naughty word!", and
then kicks his arse from one end of the rec-room to the other, just for
good measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the old Falcon andheading
towards home. The mother turns to her son and says,"Knackers, have you
learned something today?"
The son says "Bloody oath I have!"
"Good Knackers, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been a Geelong supporter for a day, and already I hate you Collingwood pricks!â€
How do you know...
that a collingwood supporter invented the toothbrush?
Cos if he hadn't it would have been called a teethbrush...
Cos if he hadn't it would have been called a teethbrush...
" I am a loyal person and at the end of my career it will be great to look back and know I am a St Kilda person for life. That was something that has heavily influenced my decision.â€