you won't be able to stop yourself laughing from this one.
http://www.dockerland.com/match-preview ... lda-3.html
Dockers supporters really should know it's unprofessional to write an article after a big night at the pub
The greatest match preview ever written
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The greatest match preview ever written
"The line 'I'm a mad St Kilda supporter' is one of life's great tautologies, because sanity has never been a requisite to follow the fortunes of the red, white and black"
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matrix
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http://www.dockerland.com/match-preview ... lda-3.html
Written by Shane Richmond
To look at the history of Fremantle and St Kilda is to look at a history of villainy, cheating and skulduggery. For all the groups of people who have screwed Fremantle over down the years, St Kilda tops the list. From threatening the umpires to dodgy time keepers, the Saints have been into it all. At the moment, however, the Saints are feeling pretty good about themselves (you know, the moment before they wag training while their coach shouts them tickets to a movie, then they fall back into the sewer they crawled out of) so there's every chance they'll be cocky enough this weekend that they won't feel the need to cheat, lie or manipulate their way to the four points. Don't bet on it though
It will be nice, though, for Fremantle to get a crack at a side that fancy their chances against them. Of late, every time the Dockers play someone they are petrified of letting the Dockers play their natural game, to the point where, on the weekend, Adelaide removed any indication that there was a game of football on. St Kilda are a different story. St Kilda being so far up themselves that the only way for them get out is through Nick Riewoldt's tear ducts should have it's advantages for Fremantle. Instead of flooding Fremantle's star forwards, instead of tagging the best young talent in the country, instead of standing in the way of Luke McPharlin's attempts to take screamers and bring some life back into this sport we occasionally refer to as Aussie Rules, instead of basically trying to bugger up footy, St Kilda will go into this game with about as much interest in the opposition as they have in following the rules of the game and generally fitting in with the acceptable practices of a society.
They have so many tickets on themselves at the moment, they're charging their dry cleaners a booking fee. Three wins against ordinary opposition and they're bandying about the term dynasty like a John Forsythe biography. After a 97 point smashing of either the 2006 premiership side or the disgraced rabble lucky to still have an AFL license, depending on who you ask, they're as likely to be worried about defense as the New Zealand armed force (or Frank as they call him).
Despite this, a lot has been said about St Kilda's propensity to tackle, with people citing it as a sign of strong defensive pressure. Many may think it an odd thing that a team on top of the ladder, winning games by 97 points, would be without the ball so often that their tackling becomes a feature of their game but it comes as no surprise to those who've watched St Kilda closely over the years. Think of it a bit like Gary Glitter giving out golf lessons to young kids. It's not an indication that he loves golf.
The Saint Kilda players have had this sort of cloud hanging over them for decades now and the picture gets a bit clearer with every season that passes. Let's just say, if they were going to make a North Melbourne style video, the main character wouldn't be headed down the Steggles isle at the supermarket. He'd be slipping into some leather pants and popping into Red Rooster.
If there is a contested ball, the Saints players are more than likely going to let you get to the footy first, at which point they'll contest the ball, rub up against you and perform a lude grinding action until the umpire's copped an eyeful and blown his whistle. With most of the Fremantle youngsters having come under the close attention of the West Coast Eagles recruiting department before being rescued by Freo, if there is one thing they are good at it's getting out of situations like this. When Rhys Palmer gets the footy, he'll have shot through before the nearest St Kilda player has time to cut the bum cheeks out of his shorts.
So what Fremantle will be faced with on Saturday night is a team of And Then There's Maudes, not trying to cheat, who won't flood and will let the Dockers be first to the ball. It's an six to one accident to happen.
Freed up from the shackles of talentless leper midfields, Paul Hasleby is set for a return to his medal winning best. Getting the ball out of the centre, contorting himself through the packs and delivering the ball lace out to a glamour forward before wandering over to the boundary and chatting up a few birds behind the fence. Rhys Palmer, another medal winning Docker, should avoid the typical brutal treatment he's been copping week in week out since his 17th birthday. Expect him to get his 1.3 per game bad kicks out of the way early before going one on one with Paul Hasleby for man of the match honours - and the blonde behind the Mitre 10 sign. Aaron Sandilands, up against a drunk driving former best mate of a drug addict, will put his extra height and clear eyes to his advantage, feeding Hasleby and Palmer so naturally that the management of the Hyatt Regency will bar them from their hotel. Faced with a couple of genuine champions, Nick Dal Santo and Luke Ball are ly to be faking a limp by quarter time and be in need of the emergency tissue dispenser that St Kilda send out with their runners nowadays.
There might be the odd occasion when the Fremantle midfield are caught out by the glare of Nick Riewoldt's whiteness or, more likely, some sort of bizarre umpiring decision which brings in a rule unused since the Boer War, which might give St Kilda a crack at getting the ball forward. Their much hyped forward line has been described by some less easily won over critics as resembling the Empire's New clothes. Disturbing as it is, the idea of Riewoldt and Koschitke nuding up to play football isn't that hard to imagine, particularly if you replace the ball with a slippery cake of soap, but it's themetaphor that wins out on this occasion. Riewoldt continues to amaze his supporters by being hailed some sort of champion for taking marks on the wing the coughing the ball up to opposition players half his side. He's Matthew Richardson without the heart or the footskills. You put Luke McPharlin on him and Fremantle effectively have their best player as a loose man in defence. He'll be taking speckkies into all sorts of people's faces this week, going for runs down the ground and generally carving up the Saints like Christmas Spam at a St Kilda halfway house.
Their other big thing down forward is Justin Koscitzke, the player who with his narcolepsy problem has single handedlyhospital turned the sport into netball. One nudge in the wrong direction from Antoni Grover and the bloke will be off on the stretcher faster than you can spell check his name. God help him if McPharlin decides he wants to take a screamer over him.
Which brings us to Fremantle's forward line. With nothing getting through to the Saints forwards and the ball being brought out of the centre with velvet gloves on a silver tray, it's going to be quite the day for the Fremantle big guns. Matthew Pavlich has been having a quiet patch, kicking 3 goals a game doesn't get him the kudos it once did. His last quarter against the Crows had all the hallmarks of a bloke just itching to have a stay in the hosptial with leather poisoning. Booting goals from all sorts of angles, dobbbing them from the centre, snapping them over his head - he won't have to bother with any of it. He'll wander out from the goals, the ball will get kicked to him, he'll mark it and he'll either kick the goal or hit the post - whichever takes his fancy. By half time they'll be talking about records.
If Hasleby feels like stretching out or there's a bit of a breeze behind Palmer, there's also the option of going long to Tarrant. After a stint up back to make him look good as a forward, Tarrant has been looking lively when they've run him back to the goal square. With no opposition to speak of, perfect conditions inside the Dome and Hasleby and Palmer getting to the chicks first, most experts believe that Tarrant should be good for a lazy half dozen this week.
With the current state of affairs, it's very hard to see St Kilda being able to reproduce their recent run of results. Worse still, this could be the game that breaks St Kilda for the season. Usually they don't give up until late July but under Ross Lyon and with an aging list, this looms as a danger game for their entire football club. For Fremantle, though, all signs point to St Kilda providing the stepping stone to get them back on the winners podium and playing out the rest of the season with a healthy measure of confidence as they make a belated run up the ladder.
Get on the over 40 George.
Written by Shane Richmond
To look at the history of Fremantle and St Kilda is to look at a history of villainy, cheating and skulduggery. For all the groups of people who have screwed Fremantle over down the years, St Kilda tops the list. From threatening the umpires to dodgy time keepers, the Saints have been into it all. At the moment, however, the Saints are feeling pretty good about themselves (you know, the moment before they wag training while their coach shouts them tickets to a movie, then they fall back into the sewer they crawled out of) so there's every chance they'll be cocky enough this weekend that they won't feel the need to cheat, lie or manipulate their way to the four points. Don't bet on it though
It will be nice, though, for Fremantle to get a crack at a side that fancy their chances against them. Of late, every time the Dockers play someone they are petrified of letting the Dockers play their natural game, to the point where, on the weekend, Adelaide removed any indication that there was a game of football on. St Kilda are a different story. St Kilda being so far up themselves that the only way for them get out is through Nick Riewoldt's tear ducts should have it's advantages for Fremantle. Instead of flooding Fremantle's star forwards, instead of tagging the best young talent in the country, instead of standing in the way of Luke McPharlin's attempts to take screamers and bring some life back into this sport we occasionally refer to as Aussie Rules, instead of basically trying to bugger up footy, St Kilda will go into this game with about as much interest in the opposition as they have in following the rules of the game and generally fitting in with the acceptable practices of a society.
They have so many tickets on themselves at the moment, they're charging their dry cleaners a booking fee. Three wins against ordinary opposition and they're bandying about the term dynasty like a John Forsythe biography. After a 97 point smashing of either the 2006 premiership side or the disgraced rabble lucky to still have an AFL license, depending on who you ask, they're as likely to be worried about defense as the New Zealand armed force (or Frank as they call him).
Despite this, a lot has been said about St Kilda's propensity to tackle, with people citing it as a sign of strong defensive pressure. Many may think it an odd thing that a team on top of the ladder, winning games by 97 points, would be without the ball so often that their tackling becomes a feature of their game but it comes as no surprise to those who've watched St Kilda closely over the years. Think of it a bit like Gary Glitter giving out golf lessons to young kids. It's not an indication that he loves golf.
The Saint Kilda players have had this sort of cloud hanging over them for decades now and the picture gets a bit clearer with every season that passes. Let's just say, if they were going to make a North Melbourne style video, the main character wouldn't be headed down the Steggles isle at the supermarket. He'd be slipping into some leather pants and popping into Red Rooster.
If there is a contested ball, the Saints players are more than likely going to let you get to the footy first, at which point they'll contest the ball, rub up against you and perform a lude grinding action until the umpire's copped an eyeful and blown his whistle. With most of the Fremantle youngsters having come under the close attention of the West Coast Eagles recruiting department before being rescued by Freo, if there is one thing they are good at it's getting out of situations like this. When Rhys Palmer gets the footy, he'll have shot through before the nearest St Kilda player has time to cut the bum cheeks out of his shorts.
So what Fremantle will be faced with on Saturday night is a team of And Then There's Maudes, not trying to cheat, who won't flood and will let the Dockers be first to the ball. It's an six to one accident to happen.
Freed up from the shackles of talentless leper midfields, Paul Hasleby is set for a return to his medal winning best. Getting the ball out of the centre, contorting himself through the packs and delivering the ball lace out to a glamour forward before wandering over to the boundary and chatting up a few birds behind the fence. Rhys Palmer, another medal winning Docker, should avoid the typical brutal treatment he's been copping week in week out since his 17th birthday. Expect him to get his 1.3 per game bad kicks out of the way early before going one on one with Paul Hasleby for man of the match honours - and the blonde behind the Mitre 10 sign. Aaron Sandilands, up against a drunk driving former best mate of a drug addict, will put his extra height and clear eyes to his advantage, feeding Hasleby and Palmer so naturally that the management of the Hyatt Regency will bar them from their hotel. Faced with a couple of genuine champions, Nick Dal Santo and Luke Ball are ly to be faking a limp by quarter time and be in need of the emergency tissue dispenser that St Kilda send out with their runners nowadays.
There might be the odd occasion when the Fremantle midfield are caught out by the glare of Nick Riewoldt's whiteness or, more likely, some sort of bizarre umpiring decision which brings in a rule unused since the Boer War, which might give St Kilda a crack at getting the ball forward. Their much hyped forward line has been described by some less easily won over critics as resembling the Empire's New clothes. Disturbing as it is, the idea of Riewoldt and Koschitke nuding up to play football isn't that hard to imagine, particularly if you replace the ball with a slippery cake of soap, but it's themetaphor that wins out on this occasion. Riewoldt continues to amaze his supporters by being hailed some sort of champion for taking marks on the wing the coughing the ball up to opposition players half his side. He's Matthew Richardson without the heart or the footskills. You put Luke McPharlin on him and Fremantle effectively have their best player as a loose man in defence. He'll be taking speckkies into all sorts of people's faces this week, going for runs down the ground and generally carving up the Saints like Christmas Spam at a St Kilda halfway house.
Their other big thing down forward is Justin Koscitzke, the player who with his narcolepsy problem has single handedlyhospital turned the sport into netball. One nudge in the wrong direction from Antoni Grover and the bloke will be off on the stretcher faster than you can spell check his name. God help him if McPharlin decides he wants to take a screamer over him.
Which brings us to Fremantle's forward line. With nothing getting through to the Saints forwards and the ball being brought out of the centre with velvet gloves on a silver tray, it's going to be quite the day for the Fremantle big guns. Matthew Pavlich has been having a quiet patch, kicking 3 goals a game doesn't get him the kudos it once did. His last quarter against the Crows had all the hallmarks of a bloke just itching to have a stay in the hosptial with leather poisoning. Booting goals from all sorts of angles, dobbbing them from the centre, snapping them over his head - he won't have to bother with any of it. He'll wander out from the goals, the ball will get kicked to him, he'll mark it and he'll either kick the goal or hit the post - whichever takes his fancy. By half time they'll be talking about records.
If Hasleby feels like stretching out or there's a bit of a breeze behind Palmer, there's also the option of going long to Tarrant. After a stint up back to make him look good as a forward, Tarrant has been looking lively when they've run him back to the goal square. With no opposition to speak of, perfect conditions inside the Dome and Hasleby and Palmer getting to the chicks first, most experts believe that Tarrant should be good for a lazy half dozen this week.
With the current state of affairs, it's very hard to see St Kilda being able to reproduce their recent run of results. Worse still, this could be the game that breaks St Kilda for the season. Usually they don't give up until late July but under Ross Lyon and with an aging list, this looms as a danger game for their entire football club. For Fremantle, though, all signs point to St Kilda providing the stepping stone to get them back on the winners podium and playing out the rest of the season with a healthy measure of confidence as they make a belated run up the ladder.
Get on the over 40 George.
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GrumpyOne
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Stillwaiting
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milney044
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I'll have some of what he's having 
And i thought i had a lot of time on my hands, i didn't even manage to read it all. It does make me laugh though coming from Fremantle, I'd have had more respect for it if it'd been written by a pies supporter!
Bring on Saturday night and we'll see just how good sandyhands and his mediocre midfield really are.
And i thought i had a lot of time on my hands, i didn't even manage to read it all. It does make me laugh though coming from Fremantle, I'd have had more respect for it if it'd been written by a pies supporter!Bring on Saturday night and we'll see just how good sandyhands and his mediocre midfield really are.
Destiny. It's in our hands.
Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.
More dribble coming from this writer than from a teething baby.
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st.byron
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I registered as Visiting Saint on their site and posted :
Hi Shane,
thanks for the entertaining match preview. You should get a job with the West with quality incisive footy writing like that.
I noticed that you spent some time elucidating the Dockers champs who are going to tear up the Saints on Saturday night. You mentioned Hasleby, Pavlich ("glamour forward" - noice) and big Aaron. You also threw in that B&W reject Tarrant as an example of a Freo star, but you stopped there. Could that be because the Dockers don't have any other genuine stars or are you just trying to keep it quiet?
For a bit more fan-site cross fertilisation you can also read about the genuine affection your match preview has elicited from the Saints faithful at :
http://www.saintsational.com/forum/view ... hp?t=51241
Hi Shane,
thanks for the entertaining match preview. You should get a job with the West with quality incisive footy writing like that.
I noticed that you spent some time elucidating the Dockers champs who are going to tear up the Saints on Saturday night. You mentioned Hasleby, Pavlich ("glamour forward" - noice) and big Aaron. You also threw in that B&W reject Tarrant as an example of a Freo star, but you stopped there. Could that be because the Dockers don't have any other genuine stars or are you just trying to keep it quiet?
For a bit more fan-site cross fertilisation you can also read about the genuine affection your match preview has elicited from the Saints faithful at :
http://www.saintsational.com/forum/view ... hp?t=51241
hahah & those 'star forwards' have won them a game along with the 'best young talent in the land' fremantle will be lucky to win 4 games this season. They won't open their account this weekend either.matrixcutter wrote: Instead of flooding Fremantle's star forwards, instead of tagging the best young talent in the country, instead of standing in the way of Luke McPharlin's attempts to take screamers.
If you can't give the commitment you gave this year and you don't want to improve, you can go because we have unfinished business-Ross Lyon
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sainters man
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happy feet
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Give it to the players
Get a copy of this to the coaching staff to give to the players pre game. Should have the desired effect.
ah settle down you lot, Shane writes an article like this every week. It called looking on the bright side. I think St Byron got it though.
Every week at dockerland a similar match preview is posted and the site is flooded with supporters from the opposition team from that week.
Delusional, No. Hopefull, yes.
If you guys can be so confidant with one flag in over 100 years then I can live in hope too.
See you lot at the dome tomorrow night, I'll be the guy in purple!
Every week at dockerland a similar match preview is posted and the site is flooded with supporters from the opposition team from that week.
Delusional, No. Hopefull, yes.
If you guys can be so confidant with one flag in over 100 years then I can live in hope too.
See you lot at the dome tomorrow night, I'll be the guy in purple!
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Moccha
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Never read such a bigger pile of sh i t in my life. Actually only got quarter of the way before I stopped myself wasting any more time. If we've only beaten 3 ordinary sides with one of those ordinary teams playing at their home ground then what does that make Fremantle?
I think it makes the author of that review an embecile!
I think it makes the author of that review an embecile!
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Moccha
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One more than you guys though!Matty T wrote:ah settle down you lot, Shane writes an article like this every week. It called looking on the bright side. I think St Byron got it though.
Every week at dockerland a similar match preview is posted and the site is flooded with supporters from the opposition team from that week.
Delusional, No. Hopefull, yes.
If you guys can be so confidant with one flag in over 100 years then I can live in hope too.
See you lot at the dome tomorrow night, I'll be the guy in purple!
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matrix
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delusional no?????????Matty T wrote:ah settle down you lot, Shane writes an article like this every week. It called looking on the bright side. I think St Byron got it though.
Every week at dockerland a similar match preview is posted and the site is flooded with supporters from the opposition team from that week.
Delusional, No. Hopefull, yes.
If you guys can be so confidant with one flag in over 100 years then I can live in hope too.
See you lot at the dome tomorrow night, I'll be the guy in purple!
u have to be kinding, thats like me saying pav is a complete friggin dud and is useless, whish is basically what he has said about a number of our players.
youd want to hope he's not running the forum over there...what a twit
It's called taking the p*^s.
Surely you guys have found out over long periods of following a struggling team, that despite where you are on the ladder and how the season is going, you turn up to watch each week hoping for a win. (or are you just the bandwagon after a 3-0 start)
You are only getting uptight as it's about your players.
Come back next week for a laugh at the expense of the swannies.
Surely you guys have found out over long periods of following a struggling team, that despite where you are on the ladder and how the season is going, you turn up to watch each week hoping for a win. (or are you just the bandwagon after a 3-0 start)
You are only getting uptight as it's about your players.
Come back next week for a laugh at the expense of the swannies.
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SaintWodonga
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cowboy18
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Success breeds fearMatty T wrote: Surely you guys have found out over long periods of following a struggling team, that despite where you are on the ladder and how the season is going, you turn up to watch each week hoping for a win. (or are you just the bandwagon after a 3-0 start)
Freo are natural enemies for the average saints fan - they have made an art form of taking over our hard won status as a club where individuals are revered, management is wayward, harmony is fleeting and incompetence rules.
Add to that the well know history of on field anomalies (well documented in various places) and there's a good basis for some rivalry.
AND... some folk take their footy a little seriously.
Last edited by cowboy18 on Fri 17 Apr 2009 3:50pm, edited 1 time in total.