Draft camp descriptions of players.

[White Winmar]

I know this gets a bit of a run every year about this time. I thought we could have a bit of fun with it. I'll kick it off. Feel free to join in! We can only dream.

1. Outside running type midfielder = Coward

2. Inside grunt player always on the bottom of the pack = Unco-ordinated gumby who falls over a lot. Will soon have a sponsor's logo on the soles of his boots.

3. Outside running player with blistering pace = Coward who is capable of sprinting away from a contest.

4. Promising ruckman who is superb at winning the hit outs. = Lump of a lad who can't mark overhead or keep up with his opponents around the ground.

5. Promising type who needs a bit of time to develop = Will be ready for senior selection in 2030.

6. Man mountain at just 18 years of age = Built like a mountain. Moves like one too.

7. Key forward type with vice-like hands = Can't kick over a jam tin.

8. Key forward with a booming kick = Hopeless overhead and couldn't get a kick in a Jackie Chan movie.

9. Strong midfielder with a low centre of gravity = His Body Mass Index shows that he is large enough to generate his own gravity.

10. Midfielder who loves a contest and is hard at the ball = Can't run to where the next contest will be.

11. Burly defender who is hard to shift off the ball. = Fat.

12. Rangy type who will develop = Makes Kate Moss look as fat as Jabba the Hut.

13. Solid defender with an appetite for the contest = Unfortunately the contest is the pie eating challenge on presentation night.

14. Quiet introverted type, whose intensity is second to none = Psychopathic loner, who will shoot up the club as soon as he is criticised.

15. Bubbly extrovert, who has leadership potential = Annoying, arrogant, loudmouth.

16. Good in heavy traffic = Only when he is driving a car.

17. Good at creating options = As long as that option is not him.

18. Can create space around him = Terrible body odour and is prone to flatulence.

19. Brother of ......(insert champion's name) = Completely missed out on the genes that make his brother so good.

20. Smart player, who gets to where the ball is = Doesn't know what to do with the ball when he gets it.

21. Lightning fast hands = When shoplifting

22. Has an interesting past = Due out on parole the week before the season starts.

23. Terrific character and integrity = Completely hopeless at playing the game.

24. Steps up when required = Can't wait to join a melee, smash an opponent's jaw and get 12 weeks suspension.

25. He's a jet = When he crashes, it is pretty spectacular and causes great grief.

26. The sort of bloke who "makes" a footy club = Farts, swears, drinks too much and is responsible for fomenting unrest towards the coach, the President and the Board.

27. A stabilising influence = Never does or says anything.

28. A dynamo, there's always something happening when he's around = see number 26.

29. He comes from a really good family = Pity they haven't spoken to or seen him since they dumped him at the orphanage.

30. Can't believe he slipped through to our selection = Everyone else did their homework on him.

[Junction Oval]

Great Post White Winmar. I think that you have most of them covered.

I liked 30 - Can't believe he slipped through to our selection = Everyone else did their homework on him.

[White Winmar]

Sorry, forgot an obvious one-
Utility = Doesn't do anything particularly well

and one for Ross Lyon,

"Role Player" = Not good enough to get a game on his own ability. We have to get the coach to make up a task for him to perform.

[Dr Spaceman]

I miss the televised draft with Kevin Sheahan where every draft pick was a beauty. No duds at all.

He used to rattle off all those comments of the OP

[White Winmar]

The best thing about draft day is all 18 clubs will convince themselves they have picked a bunch of guns. Everyone is, "Pleased with what we got". It's only when the draftees hit the track, that the recrimination starts. As for "Shifter" Sheehan, he must be the best salesman in the world. I wish he worked for me! BTW Dr. S, I was hoping you had a few to add to the list.

[I Love Peter Kiel]

Hilarious!

Reminds me of a story from a long time BEFORE the draft...1981.
Barassi had just taken Melbourne's first pre-season training session.
Apparently he turned to assistant coach Barry Richardson and said "F*&K! Is that all we've got?"

The Dees won one game that year...by a point, I think.

[White Winmar]

31. A bit of a selection from left field. I reckon we've pinched one here = No one has ever heard of him, including us. Had to use pick 101 on someone.

[SinCitySaint]

31. A bit of a selection from left field. I reckon we've pinched one here = No one has ever heard of him, including us. Had to use pick 101 on someone.

I thought that meant. "Son of a bloke the chief recruiter owes money to."

[Hurricane]

If I can add one

32. Future leader, Has been a captain since junior ranks - His dad was his junior coach

BANG BANG

[saintbrat]

afl Draft Combine page
http://www.afl.com.au/nab%20afl%20draft ... fault.aspx

www.afl.com.au/combine

[bergholt]

Some good ones in there WW!

Also some nice ones in saintbrat's link:

livewire - undersized and hasn't got a footy brain

good decision maker - will decide to leave for more money after his first contract

elite vertical leap - tries to take speccies every couple of minutes

lead-up forward - turns like the QE2 and refuses to tackle

line breaking run from defence - has been tried everywhere else and still doesn't get the ball

composed player with the ball - gets caught holding it two out of three times

shows good game sense - we've just convinced him not to drink until after the final siren

excellent agility - can't get near the ball

ex-basketballer - can't get near the ball, and can't kick, handpass or mark it

breakthrough American import - can't get near the ball, can't kick, handpass or mark it, and doesn't know the rules

[White Winmar]

If I can add one

32. Future leader, Has been a captain since junior ranks - His dad was his junior coach

BANG BANG

How did I miss that one? Gold.....

[Dr Spaceman]

Think all the good ones have already been posted so I'll just add this one:

33. "A prodigious young talent picked him up at a bargain basement price" – Actually the club drafted him with pick 3 two years ago, but delisted him as he showed nothing. They were able to redraft him with the last pick in this year’s draft, #157, when all opposition clubs ignored him.

[White Winmar]

34. Has just completed an arduous and extensive rehabilitation program and is raring to go = Just got released from prison.

35. He has had some injury concerns, but we feel he is worth the punt = Will spend his entire time at the club in a rehabilitation program and then will be delisted.

36. He has a knack for doing the incredible. A freak! = Refuses to adhere to team rules and instructions. He's a freak alright. Exactly like those you find in circuses and carnival side shows!

37. Highly disciplined = No skill whatsoever. Can only play a run with role at best.

[White Winmar]

38. Very mature for his age = He started shaving at 12.

39. Booming left foot kick with laser like precision = Absolutely non-existent right side.

40. Two sided player, can't tell which is his natural side = Equally poor on both sides.

41. A real team player = Can't think for himself.

[winmar07]

Great tackler: always second to the ball