Coping With Grief

[Sainternist]

This just tears me up inside

It's more painful than 2009. At least that was clinically taken from us in the last 5 minutes.

2010 was just plain torture. We got a farking draw, another week of agony in where we were held in more suspense and then humiliated.

Two months have passed and I'm still losing sleep.

ARGH... there is no God, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny etc...

How have people coped in dealing with their grief?

[saintspremiers]

Focus on the cricket the rain and the election

[SaintPav]

This just tears me up inside

It's more painful than 2009. At least that was clinically taken from us in the last 5 minutes.

2010 was just plain torture. We got a farking draw, another week of agony in where we were held in more suspense and then humiliated.

Two months have passed and I'm still losing sleep.

ARGH... there is no God, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny etc...

How have people coped in dealing with their grief?

Dude, the result and the way it happened was a cruel joke. You need to get over it though as the players seem to have.

I think we will have a good 2011 so hopefully we will get another shot at it.

[Wrote for Luck]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.
The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

[SaintPav]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.
The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

You're right. We have had a lot of bloody good wins along the way.

Also, stop watching it on you tube.....JUST STOP IT!

This might help.....

[Moods]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

If you think the players aren't hurting more than the supporters then you're kidding yourself. For some of these guys the GF defines the rest of their lives. You reckon Roo couldn't give a stuff that he ran into an open goal that may have changed the momentum of the game and the ball got smothered? You reckon Brett Peake is smirking about his crap kick across goal being replayed 1000 times since the game and ppl discussing how this was the saints last chance lost there and then? You reckon Grammy couldn't give a stuff that he couldn't get near it in either game? If you think the players are happy with a wad of cash and a holiday for a few weeks after then you have never played anything but midweek indoor cricket.

[meher baba]

Geez, "grief" is a bit OTT isn't it? Disappointment is surely more like it. The football team I support lost a GF. We were beaten by a superior opponent (really, we were pretty lucky to claw our way back in the first GF, the Pies choked and let us back in. We certainly weren't robbed by the umps in either game.

Personally, I find it really easy to cope with this. 2011 is another season. Our club is doing better in terms of $$, membership and on-field performance than (barring a brief flourish in the late 1960s) it has ever done. Imagine being a Demons or Tigers supporter and then harden up!

[plugger66]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

If you think the players aren't hurting more than the supporters then you're kidding yourself. For some of these guys the GF defines the rest of their lives. You reckon Roo couldn't give a stuff that he ran into an open goal that may have changed the momentum of the game and the ball got smothered? You reckon Brett Peake is smirking about his crap kick across goal being replayed 1000 times since the game and ppl discussing how this was the saints last chance lost there and then? You reckon Grammy couldn't give a stuff that he couldn't get near it in either game? If you think the players are happy with a wad of cash and a holiday for a few weeks after then you have never played anything but midweek indoor cricket.

Totally agree. I just couldnt be bothered writting it because some people never get it. As MB also said grief is a pretty strong word for losing a GF. maybe at that time it was grief but surely now it is only disappointment. Surely grief is 29 miners killed in a mine.

[SaintPav]

(really, we were pretty lucky to claw our way back in the first GF, the Pies choked and let us back in.

I really disagree that we were lucky to get back in. Was Lenny lucky the way he went in for the ball and got us back in the game?

[S.A Saint]

(really, we were pretty lucky to claw our way back in the first GF, the Pies choked and let us back in.

I really disagree that we were lucky to get back in. Was Lenny lucky the way he went in for the ball and got us back in the game?

If Cloke and co knew how to kick in the 1st game, having 12 lenny's wouldnt have helped us.

[matrix]

i look at it two ways

firstly
ive seen 97, 2009 and twice in 2010 ( ) im still paying for 2010 financially and will for months but you get used to it, plus, whats one more loss after the previous two???...i was more angry, and not full of grief.

secondly
how good will it be when the boys finally get over that last hurdle and take the ultimate prize in afl...in 2011

[SaintPav]

(really, we were pretty lucky to claw our way back in the first GF, the Pies choked and let us back in.

I really disagree that we were lucky to get back in. Was Lenny lucky the way he went in for the ball and got us back in the game?

If Cloke and co knew how to kick in the 1st game, having 12 lenny's wouldnt have helped us.

yeah but he didn't...

the game is played over four quarters and goes for 120 minutes. It is over when the final siren goes and not at half time even if you are 24 points down.

[SainterK]

2011

[tweedaletomanning]

This just tears me up inside

It's more painful than 2009. At least that was clinically taken from us in the last 5 minutes.

2010 was just plain torture. We got a farking draw, another week of agony in where we were held in more suspense and then humiliated.

Two months have passed and I'm still losing sleep.

ARGH... there is no God, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny etc...

How have people coped in dealing with their grief?

I'm with you on this sainternist, it still bloody hurts, whichever way you look at it.

It's like a knife in the guts every single time you pass a car that has a sticker on it that says "Magpies premiers 2010".

However, there is a cure.... We must beat those bloody filth ridden bastards, in the next TWO grand finals(ok, maybe just the next one).

BTW, just saw Mini and Geary going for a run along beach road, and I guess it makes you realize, for the players, it never ends...(until you retire of course).

Those dirty, filthy, Classless A***Holes, may have got the flag..

BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE AWAY OUR FAITH!!!!

[Scottish Saint]

It's more painful than 2009. At least that was clinically taken from us in the last 5 minutes.

2010 was just plain torture. We got a farking draw, another week of agony in where we were held in more suspense and then humiliated.

I thought 2009 was more painful. We were brilliant all season, clearly the best team in the competition. Then, in the GF, we led at the end of every quarter and were the better team for at least 3 quarters.

For me, that's much worse than getting smashed and having the whole second half to get used to the fact you're going to lose.

[Wrote for Luck]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

If you think the players aren't hurting more than the supporters then you're kidding yourself. For some of these guys the GF defines the rest of their lives. You reckon Roo couldn't give a stuff that he ran into an open goal that may have changed the momentum of the game and the ball got smothered? You reckon Brett Peake is smirking about his crap kick across goal being replayed 1000 times since the game and ppl discussing how this was the saints last chance lost there and then? You reckon Grammy couldn't give a stuff that he couldn't get near it in either game? If you think the players are happy with a wad of cash and a holiday for a few weeks after then you have never played anything but midweek indoor cricket.

Totally agree. I just couldnt be bothered writting it because some people never get it. As MB also said grief is a pretty strong word for losing a GF. maybe at that time it was grief but surely now it is only disappointment. Surely grief is 29 miners killed in a mine.

That's a little condescending, it's all relative imo. Grief is a word I would use.

And don't get me wrong I'm sure the players give a stuff. But don't forget they're professionals who get paid to do a job. I was differentiating between player vs fan healing.

Take Peake as an example; he's been with the Saints for a year and he gets paid to do a job. He hasn't been a blood-supporter of this club his entire life. His mother, his grandfather and his great grandfather?

For me the Saints are part of my genetic make up. And I'm proud of that. And I'll pass that on. So my point; if you ask me if Peake hurts like some of the amazing supporters on this site do? I'd say no way in hell.

It doesn't mean you don't appreciate what the players go through. But remember, we saw Luke Ball crying in 2009 - and we know what happened after that.

[thejiggingsaint]

How does the Jiggster feel about it? ...OVER IT!!!!!! and DEFIANT in 2011

[3rd generation saint]

Everytime I think I'm over it, some ass clown drives past my car with a Magpies premiers 2010 or Geelong premiers 2009 sticker on their car.
I have owned 9 cars in my lifetime and not once have I had the joy of having a premiership sticker on any one of them.
Just hope the only car I have a premiers sticker on it for me is not the hearse taking me to my final rest.

[markinUSA]

If you feel grief, it is ok to feel it and name it. It's the first step to getting over it. For many people, football means far more than a recreational pasttime. It offers important connections to family/friends, memories, a constant through many other life changes, a source of passion, a personal sense of commitment and loyalty, and so on. It also becomes a symbol, when other things are going wrong in your life, or you experience significant losses, that you can invest in (emotionally) and hope for a turnaround. For instance, when someone passes away and you 'hope the Saints win the big one' for that person... the emotional investment is significant.

These, and more, mean that the term 'grief' is perfectly appropriate.

Time does lessen the intensity of the loss, but not the loss itself. The person who suggested watching cricket (in other words, finding a diversion) is on the right track.

There is no right or wrong way of grieving.

And thankfully, as someone else said, the new season offers another chance to reconnect to those dreams and hopes. New joy might replace old pain.

Hang in there, chief.

[TriColourDisciple]

I'm struggling too Sainternist. It has messed with my mind longer and more than it should have

Just walking around in my local shopping centre this morning, l was contantly bombarded with reminders such as people wearing GF t shirts, DVDs, framed prints, etc. reminding me of the tragedy.

Been cheering on the Baggy greens hoping that an Ashes win might go someway into clearing my mind of it all. Although, my passion for cricket doesn't go anywhere near that as my passion for The Saints.

[Enrico_Misso]

Grief?
- living constantly with mental pain.
- thinking about what might have been several times each day.
- waking up in the night reliving it.
- feeling frustrated
- being introverted
- trying to avoid discussion about it

If that's not grief, then what is?

We have all "lost" something very dear to us.
And still bl00dy HURTS.

[Wrote for Luck]

If you feel grief, it is ok to feel it and name it. It's the first step to getting over it. For many people, football means far more than a recreational pasttime. It offers important connections to family/friends, memories, a constant through many other life changes, a source of passion, a personal sense of commitment and loyalty, and so on. It also becomes a symbol, when other things are going wrong in your life, or you experience significant losses, that you can invest in (emotionally) and hope for a turnaround. For instance, when someone passes away and you 'hope the Saints win the big one' for that person... the emotional investment is significant.

These, and more, mean that the term 'grief' is perfectly appropriate.

Time does lessen the intensity of the loss, but not the loss itself. The person who suggested watching cricket (in other words, finding a diversion) is on the right track.

There is no right or wrong way of grieving.

And thankfully, as someone else said, the new season offers another chance to reconnect to those dreams and hopes. New joy might replace old pain.

Hang in there, chief.

Nicely put! You made me think of the Barker's. Goes deep. I love St Kilda.

[SaintPav]

We all love St Kilda but some of you sound like a bunch of soft cocks....

[Moods]

The players got over it ok because they got a nice big wad of cash for the replay, and then a holiday.The fans got pure grief and torture and severe out of pocket expenses.
Time is the only healer. It won't get much worse than last season pain wise.

Saying that, what I've said to myself is; we had some really great moments in the season and got our money's worth and pride bolsted.

Beating Geelong twice was a nice little f*cking gifto (all that moaning after the first final - sweetness). Win against Collingwoood was bitching. Goddard's marks hot dog...

Just focus on the good things and try to convince yourself it's not all about winning a flag.

If you think the players aren't hurting more than the supporters then you're kidding yourself. For some of these guys the GF defines the rest of their lives. You reckon Roo couldn't give a stuff that he ran into an open goal that may have changed the momentum of the game and the ball got smothered? You reckon Brett Peake is smirking about his crap kick across goal being replayed 1000 times since the game and ppl discussing how this was the saints last chance lost there and then? You reckon Grammy couldn't give a stuff that he couldn't get near it in either game? If you think the players are happy with a wad of cash and a holiday for a few weeks after then you have never played anything but midweek indoor cricket.

Totally agree. I just couldnt be bothered writting it because some people never get it. As MB also said grief is a pretty strong word for losing a GF. maybe at that time it was grief but surely now it is only disappointment. Surely grief is 29 miners killed in a mine.

That's a little condescending, it's all relative imo. Grief is a word I would use.

And don't get me wrong I'm sure the players give a stuff. But don't forget they're professionals who get paid to do a job. I was differentiating between player vs fan healing.

Take Peake as an example; he's been with the Saints for a year and he gets paid to do a job. He hasn't been a blood-supporter of this club his entire life. His mother, his grandfather and his great grandfather?

For me the Saints are part of my genetic make up. And I'm proud of that. And I'll pass that on. So my point; if you ask me if Peake hurts like some of the amazing supporters on this site do? I'd say no way in hell.

It doesn't mean you don't appreciate what the players go through. But remember, we saw Luke Ball crying in 2009 - and we know what happened after that.

Your post basically indicated that the players couldn't really give a stuff and that all they were playing for was money - and a bit of time off will make everything better for them. I find THAT condescending. Show our players some respect. As Meher baba said, the team pretty much over achieved this year and played their guts out in the finals. WE were smashed in the 5th week, but the first 4 weeks I couldn't have been any prouder of them.

[markinUSA]

St Pav, with all due respect, it doesn't help to call other people "soft cocks".
Many people have very tough things going on in their lives (death, illness, breakups, etc) and they hope for a source of joy from outside their own lives, for instance, with footy.

In general, I personally believe that it is important, especially for men (because severe unresolved grief often turns to long term anger/depression issues) that we find a part of our culture to allow all people to express feelings of sadness, loss, grief. Men haven't traditionally been allowed to express 'soft c**k' feelings in our culture... and the result is a massively over-inflated rate of suicide relative to women, especially for young men. We don't know the things going on in other people's lives -or the symbolism of footy for them - especially over the internet.

I've said before, my late Dad used to pick up cans decades ago, after Saints games at Moorabbin. It is one of my important childhood memories, helping him after the games. I was really hoping for a win for him.

It's ok to grieve.