Guaranteed to work against Daughters of Beaches key forwards!
And,
For when life just sucks.
As used and recommended by Scotty from Marketing.
Once again the ass-assessment committee is incontinent, Rodger <swoon> is incognito, earnest Ted is in suspension (poetic license), and Nosher is indisposed. Word is from earnest Ted's source (sauce?) that Nosher has abandoned his plans to convince Gestapo HQ to erect that statue to St Seb. Instead, Nosher has seized on the opportunity provided by the federal election, and he's off to Can'tberra to see his new mate Albo'tross, hoping to have the St Seb statue erected in the main hall at parliament grass.
So in other words, as ever, don't expect much from the following........
And speaking of recent results, and the ensuing fallout...
Announcement of the week:
Here at the Flummoxed Report we love it when we have a hand in a choach falling on his sword. And it's been a bit of a wait. Last was when we beat the Fruit Tingles by over 100 points. But after that job on the blue mob last weekend we've scored another notch for the gun barrel.
But now the question that has to be asked is, are we ever going to see his face again? That question has been emphatically answered.
Mid season reviews
Improved/improved us.
Joe King. Really like how he's pushing off opponents more. Growing in confidence. Now, he just needs to listen to Big.Marmot and bloody well lead more Joe!!!
Sinkers. Hell, he's even sticking tackles!!!
Seb. Amazing what a bit of though and care going into how you dispose of the footy can do.
Doogie. No doubt Big.Marmot's criticisms are ringing in his ears.
Paddy. Joke that he got suspended when that Dawk ran into him.
The Marshall. Getting back to pre foot injury form.
Headless Chook. See what a difference it makes when he isn't played in defence.
Mackenzie. Reckon he's improved his game a bit more on last year's break out season.
Wood. Playing career best form. Has always had all the tools, but now seems to have found his mojo. Seems the penny may finally have dropped.
N-W-Aeon-M, Mitichito, Windy. All three have played more games, and sooner, than expected. And haven't been found wanting. Now, N-W-Aeon-M just has to get that monkey off his back and kick that first goal!
Jack Hayes. Mobile. Can take a grab. Will never die wondering. Can even kick straight! A favourite at the Flute Report. Looking forward to your return in 2023 Jack.
Lieno'. Ok, limited opportunities, but has still shown he was a smart pick up by us.
Missy. Like Jimmy, we just don't get the lack of love??? The bloke is a star, but he also has even more upside.
The Gresh'. Effectively like a new recruit. Another bloke who cops the flak. Another bloke who is a star. And now he's a top line clearance mid too.
Battle. We wanted Josh playing forward, not back. We were wrong.
Crouch. Yet another who inexplicably seems to draw little love. A star!
Jake Batchelor!!! Before this bloke, the Sandy choaches' reports were little more than insulting BS. Every week, every Saints' list player would play a blinder, or at worst, a decent game. Yet, somehow, Sandy kept losing. The problem was that the previous choaches clearly didn't know how to express an honest critique of a player tactfully within the public forum. Batchelor knows how to!
Nick Walsh!!!!
Haven't Dropped Off:
Members.
Jimmy the Cat. Why is there so little love for Jimmy??? The bloke is a star.
Wilkie. Enough said.
Clarke bloody Kent! Was crap at AFL level. Still is crap at AFL level! Delist!
Haven't been able to contribute optimally:
Clark (no 'e').
Coff. As with Clark (no 'e'), getting fit and taking the next step form-wise would be a humongous boost for us.
Steele.
Ryan Bybes (with an 's').
Bytel.
Leo C.
The Butler. Yes, a good response back at Sandy. But we'll need to see a bit more of that before a return is warranted.
Billings. About to turn 27. Still missing straight forward shots on goal. Still needs to up his two way running. Becoming conundrum. Do we run with the 'he's a cream on the cake type in good teams', or do we trade him whilst he has currency?
The Sharman. In this category for two reasons. We have not bloody well played him till now! (Happy Gaz? ) His team mates still ignore this bloke's leads!!!! This bloke is a ripper. Must play him. And we must bloody well honour his leads!!!
Gears'. A massive thank you and farewell game time.
Hanners'.
For the Teddy Bears:
INS:
Missy must come in next game.
OUTSKI:
Clarke bloody Kent!!! Hasn't put in a decent performance since public telephone boxes disappeared. He's an out every week till he's out of the club!
Not sure who else(?) Whoever it is will be very unlucky.
End of season departure candidates:
Clarke bloody Kent!!! The priority delisting!!!
Gears.
(Hopefully not) Paddy. He wants to play on in 2023, but there's always that concern that he's only the one decent soft tissue injury (or stupid Dawk running into him ) away from us losing him. (Happy Gaz? )
Joyce. We'd probably go with True Believer's assessment, and keep the bloke as a cheap key defence back up. Adams will need time.
Campbell. Probably keep. He's better than Billy No Stats. But definitely look around to see if we can find a worthwhile upgrade on him. And speaking of this, the only way we could justify picking up Rory Lobb (aka, one of footy's greatest underachievers) would be if he cost about the same as Campbell. He won't though.
Billings. He's almost 27. The penny needs to drop. Wouldn't rule out a suitable trade.
Allison. Talk about a slow burn! Hope the spark doesn't blow out before the fire gets burning. Must show something next season, or that's it.
At The Fluke Report we hate the bye round. So what are other Saintsationalists doing to pass the bye/bi and large round?
Captain CQ Saint is going sailing with Trev from the Boat. (Though word is there may be an issue re the state of readiness of Captain CQ Saint's salmon trousers.)
And here's another little montage. Prizes are offered for correctly identifying each Saintsationalist. Contact HarryM to choose an award winning gourmet quiche of your choice. Or Big Marmot for a one-on-one masterclass in how to become a suburban sporting legend, or, how improve your spelling and grammar. (At least somewhat.)
Meanwhile, word is from earnest Ted's source (sauce?) this could be footage of Sam Fisher taken shortly be his arrest.
And then there's young Loris. Still hustling the unsuspecting.
And speaking of Loris. Time for a little bit of Kinky for Loris. With apologies. It's been way too long.
And in his latest gift to Saintsational, earnest Ted has provided his bye/bi and large week recommended reading list.
earnest Ted wrote: ↑Tue 24 May 2022 1:31am Children’s Books that Didn’t Make It
>
> 1.You Are Different and That’s Bad
> 2.The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
> 3.Dad’s New Wife Robert
> 4.Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
> 5.Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
> 6.The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
> 7.Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
> 8.Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
> 9.All Cats Go to Hell
> 10.The Little Sissy Who Snitched
> 11.Some Kittens Can Fly
> 12.That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
> 13.Grandpa Gets a Casket
> 14.The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
> 15.Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
> 16.The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
> 17.Strangers Have the Best Candy
> 18.Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
> 19.You Were an Accident
> 20.Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
> 21.Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
> 22.The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
> 23.Your Nightmares Are Real
> 24.Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
> 25.Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
> 26.Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
> 27.Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
> 28.Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
> 29.Green Eggs and Crack
It's that time again. Posts of the week, and other post categories that make even less sense.
'Posts' of the week:
Harsh. But very funny.Goose is king wrote: ↑Thu 19 May 2022 8:29pmearnest Ted wrote: ↑Thu 19 May 2022 8:02pmThat's twice in a row now my sources have got it wrong ffsbangaulegend wrote: ↑Thu 19 May 2022 7:51pmI think your sources are duds or do you just make this sh-t up no mention of Geary in the final squadSunnyErnie wrote: ↑Thu 19 May 2022 2:17pm My sources have a huge one for us!!! Geary is in the ones this week
I repeat. Those voices in your head are not sources
Though to be fair, earnest Teddy's source (sauce?) did actually nail it this time. Gears was in the ones.
For Sandy.
On a roll Ted..........?earnest Ted wrote: ↑Tue 24 May 2022 11:29am I would also consider resting King as well. Allison can come in for a week. Very underrated player IMHFO.
saynt Nosher wrote: ↑Sun 15 May 2022 6:13pmWe actually don't need any more mids, imhfo.
But we could use Xerri, Amon and De Goey.
Better late than never.
These users also thanked the author Nosher for the post:
Ryan Bybes (with an 's')
To.saynta wrote: ↑Sat 21 May 2022 11:46amtoSebastian Tombs wrote: ↑Fri 20 May 2022 12:25pm Absolute Flog , Sadly this club has a history of holding on too players who are just grubs. One of the many great things Grant Thomas did for our club was to f*** this s*** stain off
These users also thanked the author Nosher for the post:loris wrote: ↑Fri 03 Jun 2022 5:35pmSpelly would be proud of you sayntasaynt Nosher wrote: ↑Fri 03 Jun 2022 3:32pmAllowed.PADDLEPOP1001 wrote: ↑Fri 03 Jun 2022 12:53pmAnyone like to catch up for a beer & a chat at the Saints v Bris screening as no guests are aloud!?
Ryan Bybes (with an 's').
Being far too harsh on yourself there.
Post of the weak:
viewtopic.php?p=1955289#p1955289
Oh Ted.........
Thoughts, Rodger? <swoon>
Thoughts, Saintsationalists...?
- Aeon.
Andrew Bassat wrote: Dear Aeon,
Yes, I hate the bye round too.
And Aeon honey, could you possibly give me a cheat sheet so that I can win one of HarryM's famous gourmet quiches in the quiz? They are yum.
Take care, and I can’t wait to see you at the footy.
Love and Fortius Quo Fidelius,
- 'Fred'.
.